I am full of flaws

What are you thinking, Win?

There is no  connection, no relation, and no sharing information, just asking and answering. What are you thinking now? You are in broken heart, huh? Yeas, you are in desperate anyway. So, what will you do. 

Your heart breaks to be a thousand peaces, huh? You are afraid , huh? I attempt to be my self and no to be influenced by anyone, any condition and any feeling.  In my life, I want to be a girl with no flaw. I stare to myself that I am a wrong human, who is very easy attract to someone, to condition, and to  endeavor. I shut my mouth, I shut my heart to anyone, but sometimes I become the girl with full of flaws. But, I pretend to be a good and pure girl. I am not.

I am an usual human who has feeling that sometimes always sparkling, sometimes fading, sometimes flaming, and trembling. I just think that I must bring my heart streams like water in the river not to push myself shut or open it. I deserve all thing God gives to me.

Scarred, tears make me cry in the end. In the start, I was happy, in good mood, always grinning and smiling everyday when I remembered it, when I met the one. But now I know the condition. I am wrong, I am in try to shut my rational thinking now, but slowly I know the truth. Instead, I want to open my brain and my heart. I must be a strong girl, not  easily  getting influenced from anyone, any condition. 

Word in my life: dark, fade, scarred, injured, tears, perish, break, numb,  and all in flawing, not in flaming, sparkling, smiling. I deserve the  consequences. 

I beg you not give any hope again, please. Just left me, that one, that condition, and that darkness.